


Everything Is A Lot™

by seonweonsonyeondan



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Domestic, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 03:19:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12785811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonweonsonyeondan/pseuds/seonweonsonyeondan
Summary: Minhyuk feels like he's fighting through a swamp to function, but at least Hoseok is there to help him through.





	Everything Is A Lot™

**Author's Note:**

> heya it's ya girl here with some angst for you. PLEASE head the anxiety tag--this fic is pretty much just anxiety and depression and if that kind of stuff triggers you, go and have some tea and pass up on this one.

Minhyuk pulls his blanket high up and over his head, hoping to shut out any remaining light streaming in through his curtains. His eyes are squeezed shut and he hopes maybe the darkness will help his breathing. He doubts it, but he can hope. 

It’s with a shuddering breath Minhyuk’s last moments of control break. He can’t feel his fingers anymore, lost to the buzzing numbness that overwhelms him. He can’t get his breathing to slow down, to get back to normal. It feels like his whole world is shaking, but that might just be because of his body. The only sound Minhyuk can hear is the sound of his blood rushing through his head and his thoughts trampling through his mind, reminding him of everything he’s failed to do, everything he needs to do.

There’s so much Minhyuk can’t do anything about and he never did well with things out of his control. It’s not like it’s a bad thing that he can’t control everything, he just prefers when he can. He can’t control that his car broke down for the last time, can’t control that his life continues to change, or that his grandma is in the hospital. Minhyuk has no control over those things. He just wishes he did.

Minhyuk gulps in some stale air, feeling wetness on his cheeks. He groans, limply patting at his face. He needs to get up. He has things to do. He should call his parents. He should eat. 

Fuck all those things, honestly. 

What’s the point, Minhyuk thinks, feels, what’s the point of doing any of those things when he can’t fix the big three things? Minhyuk pulls his knees up closer to him, body shivering. Great. His heating is off. Was the bill due? Just another way Minhyuk’s failed. He deserves to freeze to death this morning. Well. Maybe not to death. He should probably attempt to outlive his grandma if that’s what it’s coming to.

A sob rips through him, constricting his airflow further. He pulls the blanket closer to his face, trying to wipe his face but his hands don’t want to cooperate. Minhyuk chokes as he tries to make a sound of frustration, dropping the blanket and letting a blast of cold air hit his face. He sputters, hands still shaking and searching for the corner of the blanket. His fingers can’t quite grip anything, the blanket slipping through his trembling hands.

Minhyuk flops onto his back, shivering and panting. This is fine.

Everything is fine.

He chokes on another sob, half coughing, half groaning. Minhyuk tries to reach out and find his phone, hands slapping against the mattress. This would be easier if he sat up. He should sit up. But his body is apparently glued to the mattress and only his arms and head really respond.

Shit.

Okay.

Maybe everything isn’t fine.

Now Minhyuk’s shivering from the cold and the panic that keeps him in bed. Minhyuk forces his eyes open, wincing when the faint light from the streetlights outside hit his eyes. He can’t stop shaking or slow his breathing.

Softly at first, so quiet Minhyuk thinks he imagines it, comes, “Hyukkie?”

Minhyuk gulps in a few breaths, listening to see if that was just his imagination or not. A soft knock on his door. Okay, so he’s not imagining this. “Minhyuk? Are you okay?”

Minhyuk squeezes his eyes shut and wipes his face a bit, trying to force some of the panic down back into the pit of his stomach where it usually lives. Takes another gulp of air and shakily responds, “‘M good.”

There’s silence on the other side of the door for a bit before, “I’m coming in.” The door creaks open and Hoseok slips in holding a mug in one hand. Minhyuk blearily watches how Hoseok shivers when he steps into the room. “Your apartment is freezing, Hyukkie. Did you forget to turn on your heat?”

“How’d--” Minhyuk croaks, wincing. “How’d you get in?”

“I have a key, remember? We were supposed to get drinks. You didn’t show and didn’t answer your phone.” Hoseok sits delicately next to the frozen Minhyuk, putting the mug on the bedside table. “I saw your brother’s Facebook post.”

Minhyuk swallows and turns his head to look at Hoseok. His friend’s eyes are furrowed, lips pulled into a frown. Minhyuk shudders out another sigh and closes his eyes. He rolls back onto his side and pulls his knees back to his chest. And now he’s made Hoseok worry. Shit, the tears are coming back, Minhyuk can feel them prickling at his eyes.

“Can I touch you,” Hoseok whispers. Minhyuk thinks about it; he can’t feel his body, not really. Would having Hoseok hold him help? Probably. Slowly Minhyuk nods. He hears the rustling of fabric and then he’s being pulled into Hoseok strong embrace. 

“Follow my breathing, okay?” Hoseok breathes deeply and slowly, holding his breath briefly before letting the air seep out slowly. Minhyuk tries to meet his pace, but his chest keeps stuttering and constricting. Another sob rips through him again and Hoseok pulls him closer. “Shh, it’s okay. Just breathe, Hyukkie. Just breathe.”

Hoseok rubs his shoulders, counting up to five and down from ten, over and over, voice soft and soothing. Minhyuk can feel his mouth move each time he repeats the numbers and he focuses on the sound of Hoseok instead of the pounding in his head. His sobbing slows and soon he’s able to breathe the way Hoseok instructs him to. Minhyuk pulls Hoseok closer to him, finally able to get his body to respond the way he wants it to. 

“You’re really warm,” Minhyuk manages to mumble. Hoseok giggles, a bright sound that helps guide Minhyuk further out of his panic. Hoseok gives him a squeeze before sitting them both up.

“I made you tea.” Hoseok picks the mug back up and holds it for Minhyuk to take into his hands. “Did they turn off your heat again?” Minhyuk hums as he takes a sip of the tea; mmm, vanilla rooibos, exactly what he needs. “Hyukkie. Why did they turn off your heat?”

Minhyuk grimaces. “I think I forgot to pay the bill again.”

“Okay. Did you really forget or just didn’t bother?” Hoseok’s voice is still kind, still understanding and soothing, but Minhyuk can hear the underlying worry.

“Uhm.” He stares at the mug in his hands, brain still located in the middle of a swamp somewhere and Minhyuk can’t quite fight his way to it. Did he forget? Minhyuk closes his eyes and tries to remember the past few days. Concert, DnD, dinner with friends, all things he logically knows he did but can’t quite bring up the experiences. “I don’t know?”

“Okay. That’s okay. Do you know where the bill is? Can you pay it through the app or something?” Hoseok reaches for Minhyuk’s phone, swiping the pattern Minhyuk’s sure Hoseok knows better than his own lock code. Hoseok gently takes the mug and replaces it with Minhyuk’s phone. His bank app is open. “Here, I’ll help you set up a monthly reminder, okay? You can’t forget to pay your bills, not when it’s nearly winter.”

Minhyuk nods and lets himself be led through the process. Hoseok gives him back his tea before getting up to make himself his own cup. Minhyuk drags a blanket over his shoulders and pads after his friend and into his living room. It’s a mess. He curls up into his chair, hands gripping the mug tight.

“Why don’t you stay at mine tonight? It’s supposed to get really cold and I don’t want you to be alone.” Hoseok sits on the floor, leaning against the chair. He looks up at Minhyuk, eyes full of emotion and hope.

“I…I don’t wanna bother you,” he mumbles, mug raised to his lips. He’ll be okay. He just needed some more help than usual to get out of his head. Minhyuk will be fine. Totally fine. “I’m okay now.”

“I’m sure, but still. Hyukkie, it’s cold. You don’t even have your duvet out. Come home with me.” Hoseok rests a hand on Minhyuk’s thigh, squeezing slightly. “It wouldn’t be a problem. We can eat junk food and watch bad movies.”

“Do you even have junk food?”

“No, but we can order some.” Hoseok shakes the leg in his hand, small smile on his face. “Come on, I’ll even let you choose. We can watch  _ Judge Dredd _ again. Or that terrible Hansel and Gretel movie you like.”

Minhyuk feels himself crack a smile. Hoseok bumps into his legs again, still softly grinning up at Minhyuk. “You love that movie too, don’t even lie to me, Seokkie.”

“So you’ll come home with me?” Hoseok peers at Minhyuk, looking a lot like the puppies Minhyuk wishes he was responsible enough to adopt. Minhyuk feels panic rip through him again and he looks away.

“I dunno. I guess.” Minhyuk grips the mug tighter, fighting the bile threatening to rise to his throat. He feels Hoseok hug him; Minhyuk doesn’t know when he stood.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. Come stay over. You can try again tomorrow, okay?”

Minhyuk knows he’s crying again but he’s tired. So fucking tired so he just nods and let’s Hoseok pick him up with a grunt. Hoseok sets him on his bed before rummaging through his closet and throwing a couple things into Minhyuk’s backpack. 

“Think you can walk to my car?” Minhyuk nods in reply. “Okay, come on. We can try again tomorrow. Together.”

Minhyuk nods again, knowing everything won’t be fixed tomorrow, but at least he’ll have Hoseok there to help bear the load.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on your local trashsites: [twitter](https://twitter.com/swsonyeondan) or [tumblr](http://seonweon-sonyeondan.tumblr.com/ask)


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